1. We should make love at least twice a week.

 

Some of the Blessed couples seem to think that the act of sex is a secular act. Therefore, they rarely make love and quickly finish the act of love-making with a brief time; in their view, to shorten the time of love-making and save time for God’s providential work is a sign of the most faithful couples.

Nonetheless, this kind of the attitude for love-making is wrong. The act of love-making is a holy act for Blessed couples and strongly recommended by God. It is the act to welcome God to our home and to offer the special joy to God the Father-Mother. Therefore, True Father told us to make love more frequently and for a longer time than the couples of this world.

True Father told us to make love earnestly even by dedicating our life to that act.

 

What is the privilege of the human beings as the lord of creation? That is the privilege of love. Animals make love for propagation once a year. Human beings, however, transcend the seasons. This is our privilege. The home is the place where we should bloom by dedicating our life to this act and by drawing the image of our special ideal of love. (August 28, 1995)[1]

 

It seems that some Blessed couples feel that just to think or imagine about sex itself is a bad act. Nonetheless, the act of love-making by a Blessed couple is not an illegitimate act, but an act of true love centered on God. Therefore, True Parents recommend that we “think every day” earnestly how to make love.

 

Where will God and human beings meet? God will meet human beings when man and woman make love and become one, that is, when they become one centering on their sexual organs. Because these sexual organs fell, they devastated this world; they ruined heaven and earth. That’s why these organs became evil.

When you, man and woman, make love, you should think that you are going to welcome God. When you look at your lower body, you should think every day to yourselves, “How shall I connect this organ centering love? How shall I serve and welcome God? How can I make love centering true love?” (March 23, 1993)[2]

 

Dae Mo Nim also repeatedly spoke to Blessed wives at the Cheongpyeong Women’s 21-Day Registration Workshops that Blessed couples make love more frequently and more willingly.

 

When I personally talk with Blessed wives, there are really many wives who reject their husband’s desire for love-making, saying, “I don’t like it,” when a husband says to his wife, “Let’s make love.” That is, however, a wrong attitude. Who is the owner of the wife’s sexual organ? Because the husband is its owner, the wife must completely open her sexual organ for him, so that her husband can freely come and play in there to his heart’s content. Otherwise, he will go outside the home. Among the fallen members I have personally talked with, there are husbands who fell because their wives failed to fulfill their responsibility as a wife. Because the wife was lacking in the heart for love-making, her husband ended up in doing it outside the home.

Therefore, the wife must completely open her sexual organ, so that her husband can really come and play in there; she must open her heart and body, so that her husband can freely visit various places (of her body). Did you understand? The wife must open her heart and body. While your husband makes love to you, you must let him enjoy visiting a stream, a rocky stretch, a riverside field, a flower garden, a mountain, and a grass field.

You must study and study again how to let your husband enjoy visiting various locations of “creation” [i.e., female sexual organ]; so you must learn to open it for such a purpose. Did you understand? God presented such a scene for me by drawing its picture. Nonetheless, even though God drew such a picture for me, we Blessed couples have failed to actualize this scene, and do you know who has been practicing it? It is Satan! It is women in bar rooms! The women in bar rooms have learned it first and practiced it as an evil means. The women in Satan’s side are practicing such a scene more frequently.

That’s why I am teaching this sex education and the conjugal-life education for you. There is no other meaning. Why am I teaching such an education? Even though the Blessed couples in God’s side must practice it more frequently, who practiced it more frequently? Those in Satan’s side did! Therefore, as a husband and wife, you must have a time to make love really to your heart’s content, holding each other’s hand. Did you understand? (Yes.) (March 21, 2001)[3]

 

Here are Dae Mo Nim’s words about a couple’s sexual life, which she spoke to Blessed wives at a 40-Day Cheongpyeong Workshop in the summer of 2004.

 

God explains about the act of love, saying, “Play as much as you want,” and “The more you make love, the greater the amount of joy and beauty you generate.” When a man and woman give and receive beautiful love with each other, an inseparable bond of heart is created between the two. The act of love-making creates an emotional bond. It is not because the emotional bond is already formed that you make love. You should not think in reverse. You must not say, “I do not feel love, so how can I make love to my husband?” You are to nurture a loving heart while making love. Then a man and woman can become one in heart and body while nurturing their hearts. Then the couple become happy. When you act in that way, the wife will not feel discontented, nor will the husband. (July 13, 2004)[4]

 

Generally speaking, as a daily-life habit to become a supremely happy couple, a married couple should make love at least twice a week except the period of menstruation if they live together. Of course, there are individual differences and age differences in the preference of frequency of the couple’s love-making. The best frequency of love-making seems to be 3 or 4 times a week in the case of the couples in their 20s and 30s who eagerly want pregnancy, and around twice a week for those couples in their 50s and over. At the 3rd Women’s 21-Day Registration Workshop in 2000, True Father told those wives without a child that they “should make love once in two days” to make sure to give birth to a baby.

Nonetheless, in the act of love-making, the most important thing is not its frequency or quantity, but its quality after all. The most important point in love-making is that a husband and wife be deeply moved by God’s creativity and His heart and offer deep thanks to God while making love beautifully with respect and love for each other, so that God can be moved by watching the beautiful scene of their love-making.

In love-making, if a couple want to make love beautifully with respect and love for each other centering on God, a husband should make sure to spend sufficient time for a foreplay and quality time for an after-play without fail, for the sake of his wife every time they make love. Because many young men do not understand the importance of the foreplay in love-making, True Father specified that husbands should always spend at least “15 minutes” for the foreplay in love-making so that wives can feel the utmost joy, in his speech on Korean Chuseok festival in 2008.

Immediately after ejaculation, some husbands always turn his back to his wife and quickly fall asleep facing a wall. This is a very bad habit that makes an unhappy wife. Wives of such husbands will come to feel used by her husband for his selfish need and cannot feel love from him. There must be a sweet and intimate time of the after-play after every love-making if a couple want to become a couple of the supreme happiness.

It is reported that a wife can feel supremely happy when, whispering words of admiration and thanks to her (and to God in the case of a Blessed couple), her husband gently kisses her, hugs her tightly, and has an intimate pillow-talk with her while embracing each other or holding each other’s hand, every time after love-making. Unlike men, women’s sexual excitement and feelings will not sharply drop at the end of love-making. Therefore, a husband should always be responsive to his wife’s need for “heartistic” love at the end of each love-making.

For those relatively young couples before the menopause, “to make love” means a sexual intercourse that accompanies the act of insertion as a matter of course. For those couples after the menopause, however, there are frequent cases that make it difficult to have an ordinary sexual intercourse because of the malfunction or health problems of their aged sexual organs. Even in such a case, it is possible for the couple to feel the joy of love and satisfaction only by kissing and caressing with the use of a hand and a mouth (a tongue and lips) without an act of insertion.

I would like to clarify that for those couples after the menopause, “to make love” does not necessarily means to have a sexual intercourse that accompanies the act of insertion. This clarification is a consideration for the older couples so that they can also easily reach the grade of “A+” in self-evaluating and scoring the degree of the couple’s practice of “the 10 daily-life habits that make a supremely happy couple.” For the detail of “Self-Grading Monthly Score Tables,” please see Appendix A below.

[1] Sun Myung Moon, “My responsibility,” Shukufuku 86 (Fall 1995): 58.

[2] Sun Myung Moon, Uchu-no Konpon (The root of the universe) (Tokyo: Kogensha, 2002), 214. Korean source is Selections from Rev. Sun Myung Moon’s Speeches, vol. 246, 73. Cf., Sun Myung Moon, Cheon Seong Gyeong (Seoul: Sunghwa Publishing, 2006), 1724.

[3] Dae Mo Nim, “As a good mother and a good wife,” A Speech at the 10th Women’s Registration Workshop, CheongShim 4 (May 2001): 26.

[4] Cheongpyeong Training Center, ed., Role of a True Wife, 16-17. Translation was revised.




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